Oh it's been fun so far this morning. Not only was it fucking 83 degrees already at 9:30 a.m., I forgot my goddamned keys this morning. Allow me to tell you the entire story....
It's 8:20 a.m. I've had my shower, gotten dressed, and now I'm putting on my shoes. {Back story fact: I'm going to have to get a new car. My car sucks donkeys and can't seem to get enough of those damned beasts of burden so it's going to have to go.} Shannon's been looking through car websites for me 'cause this kind of thing she massively kicks ass at. Anyway, she says "Hey Lil. Come look at this." So of course I do. I spend the next 20 minutes looking at beautiful PT Cruisers, seeing what's in dealer's inventories, etc. I look at the clock. SHIT! It normally takes me about 1/2 hour at the very least to get here. So off I go, running out the door. Did I remember to check to ensure I had my keys with me? You guessed it. I sure didn't.
Anyway, I didn't realize this slightly important fact until I got here. I park my car, reach into my purse to get my office keys and lo & behold they're not there. Fucking great. So I figure, ok, the sales manager goes to the church next door to this office. I'll go find him and ask him to let me in. I walk over there and all these nice church type people are milling around the coffee klatch doo-hickey before the service starts. Is the sales manager drinking coffee this morning? Of course not. It's then that I realize I'll have to do the unthinkable. I'm going to have to go into the sanctuary. AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!! I just know I'll be struck down the minute I set foot in there but I have to risk it. I haven't been inside a church since April of last year when I went while I was in North Carolina. And that was because it meant a lot to my mother.
Ok, so I manage to get into the sanctuary area without lightning bolts from God being sent in my direction. I look around but is the dude there? Say it with me now: Of course not. My skin is crawling from all the organized religion concentrated in one area. I've got millions of religious hell-fire ants marching along my arms and in my hair. See what I endure to get to work? Am I dedicated or what? Especially considering I'm cursing to myself the entire time I'm looking for the nice sales manager.
"Shit! Fuck! Where the hell are you, dude? Oooh, that guy's hot. Dammit!"
Yes, these are the things going through my mind. Add to the mix that my body's sitting up and saying "Lil, you seriously need to get laid. You're finding church dudes hot. Oh look at that guy." Yeah. Needless to say (but I'm going to say it anyway), I high-tailed it out of there. I decided I'd rather try to break into work than stay in church.
Right. When I figured out I didn't have the proper tools for surreptitious breaking and entering, I went out to my car to see if maybe by some kind act of fate, my keys were on the floor or something equally ridiculous. Lucky for me I did because right then, one of the agents pulled into the parking garage and was kind enough to let me in.
And thus began my morning. I'm safely ensconced in this nice air-conditioned non-religious office, listening to Incubus, and answering the phone. Big collective sigh of relief.
Hope you're all having equally interesting mornings.
Edited at 10:40 a.m. to add: A fire truck just pulled up in front of the church. See! I knew I shouldn't have gone in there. If I see any demons emerging, I'll let you all know.
It's 8:20 a.m. I've had my shower, gotten dressed, and now I'm putting on my shoes. {Back story fact: I'm going to have to get a new car. My car sucks donkeys and can't seem to get enough of those damned beasts of burden so it's going to have to go.} Shannon's been looking through car websites for me 'cause this kind of thing she massively kicks ass at. Anyway, she says "Hey Lil. Come look at this." So of course I do. I spend the next 20 minutes looking at beautiful PT Cruisers, seeing what's in dealer's inventories, etc. I look at the clock. SHIT! It normally takes me about 1/2 hour at the very least to get here. So off I go, running out the door. Did I remember to check to ensure I had my keys with me? You guessed it. I sure didn't.
Anyway, I didn't realize this slightly important fact until I got here. I park my car, reach into my purse to get my office keys and lo & behold they're not there. Fucking great. So I figure, ok, the sales manager goes to the church next door to this office. I'll go find him and ask him to let me in. I walk over there and all these nice church type people are milling around the coffee klatch doo-hickey before the service starts. Is the sales manager drinking coffee this morning? Of course not. It's then that I realize I'll have to do the unthinkable. I'm going to have to go into the sanctuary. AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!! I just know I'll be struck down the minute I set foot in there but I have to risk it. I haven't been inside a church since April of last year when I went while I was in North Carolina. And that was because it meant a lot to my mother.
Ok, so I manage to get into the sanctuary area without lightning bolts from God being sent in my direction. I look around but is the dude there? Say it with me now: Of course not. My skin is crawling from all the organized religion concentrated in one area. I've got millions of religious hell-fire ants marching along my arms and in my hair. See what I endure to get to work? Am I dedicated or what? Especially considering I'm cursing to myself the entire time I'm looking for the nice sales manager.
"Shit! Fuck! Where the hell are you, dude? Oooh, that guy's hot. Dammit!"
Yes, these are the things going through my mind. Add to the mix that my body's sitting up and saying "Lil, you seriously need to get laid. You're finding church dudes hot. Oh look at that guy." Yeah. Needless to say (but I'm going to say it anyway), I high-tailed it out of there. I decided I'd rather try to break into work than stay in church.
Right. When I figured out I didn't have the proper tools for surreptitious breaking and entering, I went out to my car to see if maybe by some kind act of fate, my keys were on the floor or something equally ridiculous. Lucky for me I did because right then, one of the agents pulled into the parking garage and was kind enough to let me in.
And thus began my morning. I'm safely ensconced in this nice air-conditioned non-religious office, listening to Incubus, and answering the phone. Big collective sigh of relief.
Hope you're all having equally interesting mornings.
Edited at 10:40 a.m. to add: A fire truck just pulled up in front of the church. See! I knew I shouldn't have gone in there. If I see any demons emerging, I'll let you all know.
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