After my dad died, I developed this pervasive need to make sure the people I love know that I love them. Not too hard to figure out, right? This compulsion has metastasized into letting people know if they're doing a good job or they look good on a particular day or basically anything that might make someone's day a little brighter or cause them to feel that they matter.
Real life example - Shannon took The Niece to get her ears pierced the other weekend. We'd gone to see "Up" and stopped at Claire's after leaving the theater. The girl there was handling the busy store by herself. She was incredibly nice and professional, competently handling the many different customers and their requests with aplomb. So I told her I was impressed with her ability in running the store. I don't know if it made her day or if she's used to being complimented on her work efforts but I felt better for having said something and acknowledging her.
It's as though if I don't seize that one particular ephemeral opportunity to say a nice thing or let a person know I care, I'll never get that chance again. I have to reach out and grasp it, add my spin and then release it into the neverwhere, hoping that I've made the impact my heart so desperately needs to achieve. Perhaps my motivation is truly selfish in that regard. I do these things because they make me feel better about myself.
All I know is whenever I don't give in to this compulsive need, I flagellate myself with "what if" and "why didn't you say something". These repeated affirmations of love and caring have to be annoying to the people closest to me. To paraphrase James Taylor, "smother the people you love with love/show them the way that you feel". It's okay, Lil, we know you care now just back the fuck off!
Eh. I've totally lost control of this post and have no idea how to compose/re-arrange/detonate it so that it makes sense. These thoughts were tumbling around my brain and spewed themselves out into a blog entry. It is what it is, I suppose.
Real life example - Shannon took The Niece to get her ears pierced the other weekend. We'd gone to see "Up" and stopped at Claire's after leaving the theater. The girl there was handling the busy store by herself. She was incredibly nice and professional, competently handling the many different customers and their requests with aplomb. So I told her I was impressed with her ability in running the store. I don't know if it made her day or if she's used to being complimented on her work efforts but I felt better for having said something and acknowledging her.
It's as though if I don't seize that one particular ephemeral opportunity to say a nice thing or let a person know I care, I'll never get that chance again. I have to reach out and grasp it, add my spin and then release it into the neverwhere, hoping that I've made the impact my heart so desperately needs to achieve. Perhaps my motivation is truly selfish in that regard. I do these things because they make me feel better about myself.
All I know is whenever I don't give in to this compulsive need, I flagellate myself with "what if" and "why didn't you say something". These repeated affirmations of love and caring have to be annoying to the people closest to me. To paraphrase James Taylor, "smother the people you love with love/show them the way that you feel". It's okay, Lil, we know you care now just back the fuck off!
Eh. I've totally lost control of this post and have no idea how to compose/re-arrange/detonate it so that it makes sense. These thoughts were tumbling around my brain and spewed themselves out into a blog entry. It is what it is, I suppose.
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Hi Lil,
I think yours is the right sentiment--I have lost enough people in my own life to know that I never wish to have a loved one leave this world without expressing my love and appreciation for that person. If we live our lives in this manner, then we don't live to have regrets (or we have fewer of them). Your post was a great reminder of this.
Take care,
Melinda
At my first paper, the press guys were generally careless with the color plates. The colors wouldn't line up, and people in head shots wouldn't be recognizable to their closest friends. But once they did a good job with a features section, and the features editor went down to tell them how much he appreciated their work. The features section consistently was beautiful after that.
I am SURE you made that ear piercing lady's day. Such a good idea.
Melinda - Very, very true. I lived for years beating myself up over the fact that I didn't tell my dad I loved him that day I saw him in the hospital right before he died. I finally was able to make peace with myself about it but it took a LONG time. I really don't want to go through that again.
Erin - Isn't it amazing how taking just a few seconds/minutes/no time at all to recognize someone's efforts makes all the difference in the world? The reward far outreaches the time it takes to say that nice word.
Thank you both for stopping by and commenting. I appreciate it! :-)
It's amazing how small a gesture, like telling a stranger they've done a good job can make such a huge difference. Good on you for not only recognizing that but DOING something about it. You've inspired me to be better about this.
Thank you for the kind words and for stopping by, NATUI. You've made my day now. :-)