Lately I've felt as though I warped back in time and I'm once again in high school. I find myself gazing out the window, moonily staring at nothing but with my head full of silly notions. Flowers, hand-holding, long talks possess my thoughts during the daylight hours. It's the thoughts that take over at night that are much more fun but so much more frustrating. Do we ever outgrow crushes? They're so adolescent in their purity and innocence but incredibly maddening when you know nothing is going to come of it.

As adults, there are myriad reasons why we fall victim to unrequited admiration. Sometimes the object of our hormones is spoken for or they're out of our league in some way or another or we encounter them online and the distance quashes any possibility of the natural progression of attraction. Oh but they can be so enjoyable for awhile.

And if a person is ever so fortunate as to have their crush show reciprocal feelings. That's better than any drug - it has to be. I've had that happen one time that I know of. It was amazing. That was with Marvin the Martian so many years ago. I can still remember the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I opened my apartment door and there he stood, the man I'd been fantasizing about for weeks. The heat that soared in my blood the first time I realized he wanted to kiss me as much as I wanted to kiss him. God I miss that. Not him, necessarily. Just that feeling, that realization, that awareness.

Insert longing sigh here. Intellectually, I know I won't be alone forever. There will be more men in my life. I'm crushing on a few different guys at this point in time but reality has a way of putting a damper on things. It's interesting, isn't it - how distances are measured in more than mere miles.
Labels: edit post
0 Responses

Post a Comment